Living With Endometriosis: My Story.

Some things just shouldn't exist and some things that exist are a lot harder to cope with than we think we can take. I'll admit, the constant trips to the ER and over night stays in the hospital that took place and continue to take place since I was 14 gets to be annoying and frustrating. I really never thought ovarian cysts could lead to such pain everyday, especially when it was that time of the month. I had my biggest scare in 2011 though and I can honestly say I was at a loss for words. I was living with my grandparents, going to college, working 3 jobs, and I was homesick, away from my parents. This particular Walk-In visit to the doctors made me want my mom more than I have ever wanted her in my lifetime. I waited for about an hour hunched in pain waiting for my lab results and by the time I got them back it wasn't good at all. I was being wheeled out of the room and admitted to the hospital for a high white blood cell count. They ended up doing CT Scans and ultrasounds, and once again it was a cyst, only this time it ruptured and spread a to both ovaries. I had to stay overnight and didn't get released until 3 doctors came in with my stack of medical records. They made me schedule an appointment with an OB to talk about having my first surgery to just check and see if Endometriosis even existed. I consulted with a doctor, had a long talk with my grandparents and parents and the decision to have surgery was a go. One week later I went "under the knife." Sure enough they found it, and in April of 2011 I was diagnosed with Severe Endometriosis. The first two months were terrible because of the healing process, but eventually I was feeling a little better, but something didn't feel right and that's when I ended up in the ER again, this time it was because the surgery had apparently caused an umbilical hernia, so I had to go in and see another doctor for that. (Endometriosis is a condition in which cells from the lining of the uterus appear and flourish outside the uterine cavity, most commonly on the membrane which lines the abdominal cavity. The uterine cavity is lined with endometrial cells, which are under the influence of female hormones. Endometrial-like cells in areas outside the uterus (endometriosis) are influenced by hormonal changes and respond in a way that is similar to the cells found inside the uterus. Symptoms often worsen with the menstrual cycle. This can cause severe pelvic pain, infertility, chronic fatigue, and other symptoms as well.) Three weeks later I was back in the hospital getting ready for another surgery. I didn't realize having surgery for a specific condition could lead to another one for something completely different, but caused by the previous one. It was really eye opening. That surgery for the umbilical hernia happened in September of 2011. Again the healing process was really annoying, but still after that I was still in pain and eventually in January of 2012 I was scheduled for my third surgery and once again they found more Endometriosis. This was getting ridiculous. I couldn't stand it at all and my depression and my homesickness was getting out of hand too. The beginning of March, I moved back to Florida to be with my parents, however my pain was still there, and in late May early June I was going in for my fourth surgery. This time it was different because I had my mom and dad with me and they were able to see how bad it was. I was on bed rest from March to August and that included the surgery healing process. I was put on Lupron after my surgery. It was made to stop estrogen and stop periods, almost like menopause, except I was put on a hormone pill to help deal with the side effects. It was a shot every month for 6 months. I was almost certain that this surgery worked. However 4 months later I had the most intense pain, it beat all of the pain that I had every experienced. I again made appointments with my doctor and we said with the amount of surgeries I have had in almost 2 years, that it was time to really look at my only other option. When I heard him say, "Hysterectomy", I was devastated. He let me go home to think about it for a week and and talk it over with my family. I came to the conclusion that I didn't want to do this anymore and I didn't want the pain to be there as constant as it had been, but when I made the decision to have it done and meet with my doctor I brought up the idea of keeping my left ovary and tube, and he said I was able to do that. This gave me a little more hope especially because that meant no hormone therapy, and that I would still be able to produce my own eggs to one day have kids of my own. On December 14th 2012, I had my partial Hysterectomy, not only did they find more Endometriosis, but they found it on a nerve so it was more difficult to burn off, and the chance of it growing back and spreading was more likely. This was the most painful surgery I have every had and the most emotional one as well. It has helped for the most part, but I'm still feeling discomfort and pain. I guess I try to deny it at times because I'm ashamed. Living with this disease and chronic pain disorder has been so overwhelming, both physically and emotionally. My anxiety and depression have been up and down because of it and relationships with some people who were so close have been torn apart because when I have been in these situations I shut a lot of people out. I guess that's what happens when you're in pain though. You shut people out and become selfish because you want answers and you just want to be healed for good. I hope one day they find a cure for this because I know I don't deserve this, and I know women who suffer from this don't deserve to go through this. I've met a lot of amazing people through support groups, and as crazy as it will sound it's been from Twitter. I'm thankful for those women and I look up to them Everyday. Music has helped a lot, Especially the bands and artists who mean the most. Honestly through out the past 3 years I've had this, it's been nothing but Anberlin, Cassadee Pope, Paramore, Cady Groves, Hey Monday, Circa Survive, Anthony Green, and Explosions In The Sky. Those were the bands and artists that literally PULLED me out of the dark place I could've ended up in. It sounds cliche, but when your life is revolved around a chronic illness where you can't even get out of bed even to say good morning or good night to your own family, that's when the music, lyrics, and melody's help you cope. I owe those bands and artists a huge thanks to not letting me drift. They have all been singing me through the rough times, literally. Living with this has taught me to let people be there for me. Especially my close family and friends. Without them I would've crumbled and I would've given up on the spot and wouldn't have put very much into consideration when it came to my own happiness. They have never judged me for the decisions I've made regarding my body and my surgeries. They have all been there to give me support, encouragement, guidance, and love and I don't know what I'd do without them. They were there no matter what, from making sure I had a smile on my face, to hearing laughter come from my mouth, even if it meant watch Ellen on TV or Duck Dynasty, they were there, and they were there for me especially when it came to the ER visits or over night stays in the hospital that came with the ER visits or surgery dates. I learned something out of all of this though. I've learned to keep my chin up because it can always be worse. It's so true even with a struggle or battle of my own. I may not be completely healed, but I'm finding ways to try and get to feeling better. I'm currently seeing a specialist for Endometriosis only and I'm glad I'm headed in the right direction. I won't give up and I can say with all of this that I don't just fight for me, I fight for others struggling with this disease. I will continue to spread awareness, because each day a woman is diagnosed and each day a woman is hurting and that's not okay with me.