Accepting

I can't find that right light, and it's unfortunate because the darkness is too bright. I break and I bend, and I break a little more, how selfish I feel doesn't even begin to compare. I yelled at God and was furious with him, I just wanted answers and I suggested he fix them. It was bad on my part, and a breakdown that will always have that one frown. I can't shake this feeling of guilt, I can't sweep it under a rug, because it eventually comes back to me and tugs, it tugs so tightly at my heart, so dramatically at my soul, I feel like I'm spiraling downhill, when I should be getting up and moving on. It's harder than I expected, not just life, but the simple things we'd like to say we can handle even if our hearts are cut, with those words of a sharp knife. I find so many flaws in myself and I wonder why I am here to exist, but then I remember it's not a choice I have to be here, it's a blessing and better than a wish. I have the ones I love around me, even from a far, and this is a wake up call for me to accept my scars.